If anyone were to call themselves my friend but ever resort to sugarcoating the truth, I would say don’t. Those are not the types of friends I want. However, I do appreciate consideration and understanding. And for people who have never experienced the things you may be going through, it will be difficult for them to empathize and know what you’re feeling to be able to meet you where you’re at with their advice. Or maybe they’ve experienced exactly what you’re going through, but they’re so determined to protect you because they vividly remember their own pain or struggle that they are overbearing and unrealistically demanding that you follow their advice.
I used to see how doomed the relationships of some of my friends were from the very beginning. And being the blunt person that I am, I would say, “Hey girl, you know this is not going to work right?” I mean who on earth gave me the authority to have the audacity to crush my beautiful friend’s hope and happiness. Even if I believed it was temporary or superficial? Even if at the end of the day, however many months or years later…I was in fact very right about their situation. Being the “blunt” friend caused me to lose some connections. I’m at peace with those losses now because it showed me that everyone won’t know how to appreciate your authenticity. Some people don’t appreciate being told exactly how stupid or idiotic their choices are. Some people can’t handle a mirror being thrown in their face so they can reflect on themselves. They’d rather just have your support and figure it out on their own.
Everyone is entitled to experiencing their journey free of all negative energy aside from the toxicity they choose to invest in. So if she’s dating that same no-good guy, let her. Don’t even waste your breath. Because I promise you, once she’s truly tired of the run around, she will learn. And either one of two things will happen: she’ll respect you for being honest with her whether or not it was what she wanted to hear. Or she’ll resent you because she’ll believe your honesty was negative energy that affected the outcome of her relationship. If it’s the latter, recognize that she is in a space where she is unteachable. And she believes she knows best for her life in relation to her romantic happiness. Let her stay there. Why? Because truly there is nothing you can do or say to get her out of that space. Only time and experience. How much time and how many of the same experiences will be up to her. Though you love her, are protective of her, and want the best for her…at that point, it is not your issue and you shouldn’t concern yourself with it.
Now a true friend is patient. A true friend won’t just get frustrated and cut someone in this phase of life off like it’s nothing. It depends on many factors, but that’s why they say true friends are hard to come by. Everyone doesn’t have the patience or energy to deal with your shit. And they don’t have to. You can’t fault or blame them for that. Just as it takes time to build and grow a solid relationship or marriage, the same goes for friendships. It takes time. And length of time invested directly correlates to how long someone will deal with you and your poor decisions. Someone who has known you AND intentionally been your friend for over 5 years is going to understand you on a different level than the person you casually befriended one year ago.
So your girlfriend who continues to entertain the same guy who won’t commit to her; the girlfriend who won’t leave the unfaithful love of her life; the girlfriend who complains about every guy she dates because she has yet to accept that she isn’t ready for a relationship…let them stay there. If after several failed attempts of encouraging her, reminding her of her worth, highlighting examples of healthy relationships or even being in one yourself, sending her memes and words of wisdom that pertain to her situation in hopes she will wake up…if after all that you can’t seem to get through, let her stay exactly where she wants to be. There is no use in draining yourself, getting frustrated, or wasting energy wondering why she does this to herself. This is clearly a step in her journey she has to take for herself to eventually learn whatever it is she needs to learn. Voice your stance, be respectful of her choices, put your feelings aside, and be there for her.